who's the daddy?

The Sam Camp

2009-08-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

is a new thing - constructed every morning on the sofa, it holds room for 2 ba-bas (big), 1 owl and a little boy.

It's been a while

2009-08-20T00:20:00.000-07:00

With one thing and another I haven't had time to write for ages - over a month in fact. Life has been a mixture of unbelievably long hours at work, interspersed with brilliant moments with Sam. Here are some recent pics of him. one set when he decided to get dressed in kitchen role and the other enjoying an ice-cream. He's utterly brilliant as usual. Starts nursery and swimming lessons in a couple of weeks too.

Cornwall

2009-07-12T13:24:00.001-07:00

Just back from a holiday in Cornwall. Despite rain for most of it (of course), the break was great. One thing you soon realise about holidays with young kids is that you probably won't come back feeling physically rested but with any luck you will have spent some quality time with your family and that's the best thing for giving you proper perspective on everything that's really important.

We had a proper laugh together and with his mum, dad, huge indoor ball pits, farm animals, the beach and sea to play in, Sam loved every minute of it.

How to eat an egg

2009-07-12T13:08:00.001-07:00

Sam only has two styles of eating. I think many kids his age are the same:

1) 'Super Model'. This involves eating one very small thing at a time, such as a pea / piece of sweetcorn, along with the occasional very carefully chosen piece of egg white.

2) 'Henry 8th'. This is the opposite and entails scooping up as much as you can get your hands on and stuffing it into or around your mouth.

There is a third style but it's not really eating as such. Based on the Hester Blummental school of food science it involves pouring things into other things and mixing ingredients that don't go together - marmite and apple juice for example. Sam is really quite good at this. Shame he doesn't eat any of it afterwards.

Home and away

2009-06-15T23:03:00.002-07:00

Leaving your baby is one of the strangest feelings. You miss them like mad but I am convinced that once in a while it does you good as a couple. You can't really put a price on the ability to sleep and get a bit of perspective back on the world. We have just come back from a week in Portugal which we both badly needed. Sammy spent the week with Jo's parents in Cornwall and by all accounts had a brilliant time.

And although we thought he might be a bit off-ish, he loved seeing us when we got back too.

It's going to be all change for him soon. Phase 1 is almost over with us getting a new nanny for a couple of days a week and him starting nursery.

And phase 2 will no doubt bring a new round of unexpected highs and lows. His world and his curiosity will get bigger than ever. I guess your relationship with your kids is one where you have got to gradually let them go, find their way, experience life when you are not right by their side. Damn, that seems hard.

It amazing to think nearly two years has gone past. I know most parents love their kids but he's truely an amazing little boy.

Nice one dad

2009-06-01T05:38:00.001-07:00

Some sleep at last. Sam has got through that particular phase and seems to be sleeping a bit better lately which is great and means we both feel a bit more human. Which is nice.
Had a heart in mouth, oh-my-god moment yesterday when I accidentally caught him in the mouth with the end of a broom I was using to sweep the patio. He'd crept up behind me and I just didn't see him. The broom went back and boom. Poor little man. Can there be anything worse than you making you own kids cry???? He was pretty brave to be fair but he's got a bright red welt on his lip today and I feel like the worst dad in the world.

So tired

2009-05-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

Parental tiredness is a special kind of tiredness, a slow, creeping, cumulative thing that gradually wares you down over the weeks and months until you can barely keep you eyes open. No amount of all-nighters when you are young prepares you for it. And just when you think that you have everything under control, it comes back to hit you.
Both Jo and I are going through an on-our-knees-tired phase at the moment. It's a combination of us both having full-on, stressful and emotionally draining jobs, an office that is miles from home and the fact that Sam has started waking up in the night again and then very early in the morning so we never get a chance to lie in.
There is just no time to catch up with yourself and there seems very few opportunities to take a day off either,which means that we are like walking zombies at the moment. And this is with one kid.....
I am sure we suffer more than other couples where one of them is either at home or in a relatively relaxed job. There doesn't seem a great deal we can do apart from try and get into bed early but I find that difficult to do after a stressful day when I really need time to chill out for a bit rather than get straight into bed.
Sam is beautiful and amazing as usual. But he is at an age where he really demands constant attention. I think that we are good at sharing the load but it does mean that we are both as exhausted as each other. Cue short tempers etc. Frustrating.......

Jump and shout

2009-05-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

Sam plus trampoline = hilarious.

The little man is recovering from a bad cold at the moment but nearly back to top form.

The sun was out today and he was showing off to Dad and loving kicking a ball about in the park.

He is really starting to link words up now too.

Big red bus is his longest and current favourite phrase.

My life is too hectic

2009-04-27T13:42:00.001-07:00

to write the blog right now. I haven't got a second to breath. Will return when I have. meanwhile, here's the best pics I could get of Sam. Not great I know. He's lovely as usual. Lots of words, being very cheeky. I would like to make a brother or sister for him but Jo and I will need to be in the same place at the same time for that to happen which isn't very often right now. Boo.

blogging vs tweeting

2009-04-05T07:17:00.000-07:00

Everyone's tweeting. Apart from me. I have always thought that tweeting is only for sad narcissists but may be I am coming round to it. I do still think there are a load of people full of their own self importance tweeting but it is a great way to communicate with people if you have no time to blog. And that's the bit that works for me. My blog postings are very erratic at the moment, mainly because I am so busy at work. Then, when you do find 5 mins to post something, you either haven't got the right photos to hand or can't remember what it is you wanted to talk about. I don't know. I'm not sure what to do yet.

Work has been ridiculously full on recently (I always say that but it has been particularly bad this last few weeks). This weekend is the first time that I have spent some good time with Sammy for ages. He is being fantastic, smiling, babbling away. I even managed to get a couple of nice pics of him (see above). The secret is to pretend to be about to tell him off about something and he will look around and beam at you. Cheeky bugger.

We are thinking about 'number 2' again. I say thinking, we are er.....on the case. It's funny going back to the start again but we both want it to happen, so we are into the working out cycles and all that and making sure we give ourselves the best chance. Even if that chance comes after a 14 hour day at work when we're both stressed out, have thumping headaches and just want to sleep. Needless to say, it's dead romantic : ). Trying not to get stressed out when it doesn't happen too. It may take a nice sunny holiday.....

The Car Man

2009-03-28T02:57:00.000-07:00

The accumulation of new cars shows no signs of abating. Unlike Daddy who still hasn't got his s**t together and brought a new car, Sam has acquired about 100 in that time. They are everywhere - in the bath, in the loo, stuck down the sofa, in bed. Sam sometimes goes to sleep holding a handful of them. That or his cluster of Easter chicks.

He's still being a brilliant little man. After a long arduous day at work, I just want to get home to see and cuddle him.

Perfect weekend

2009-03-16T00:35:00.000-07:00

We have just had such a great weekend with Sam. One of those family weekends where Jo and I both put aside the mountain of work we both have on and gave our full attention to the little man, who was in a brilliant mood. On Saturday we took him to 'Soccer-tots', a series of classes that are designed to develop football skills. At this age, it involves trying to get the kids to kick down skittles on command and put their foot on top of a ball and roll it about a bit. Needless to say, Sam was much happier picking up the balls and making a hilarious dash for the exit at every opportunity.

He has grown out of his old trainers so we brought him some new ones that light up when he takes a step which he loves. We also found a play mat that has roads printed all over it so his rapidly growing number of cars now have somewhere to be driven, although I'm not sure if he quite gets that yet as I came into the living room to find him wearing the mat on his head.

Spring suddenly arrived on Sunday and we took him to Kew gardens early. The flowers were out, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was beautiful. We also went for lunch with some friends at Soho house. He loved playing with the other kids. One of the little boys he gets on with best is called Ollie. They were properly play wrestling (see above) and having a right laugh.

He was so nice to see Sam really happy and it's always so rewarding when you know that he is loving being with his mum and dad. It does make you want to spend more time with him during the week but it's just not possible right now.

Sell, sell

2009-02-28T11:23:00.000-08:00

This Blackberry thing is getting out of hand. I don't know what it says about how much work we bring home with us but Sam has been running around the house saying with one strapped to his ear looking like a tiny trader. He has been on really great form recently. Unbelievably energetic and totally smiley. He has even forgiven me for not seeing him that much over the last couple of weeks because of work. He is babbling away all the time now and developing a proper little personality - funny, warm, cheeky. It's brilliant.

Hello?

2009-02-15T07:17:00.000-08:00

Sam on my Blackberry. Being really funny at the moment. His 10 favourite words / phrases are:

CAR (by a mile)

MUMA

DADA

APPA (APPLE)

DO DO (DOG)

MMMIL (MILK)
SHOT (SHOP)

PLA (PLANE)

TAIN (TRAIN)

COCO (COOKING / CORAL)

BABA

BOR (BALL)

Let it snow, let it snow

2009-02-02T13:11:00.000-08:00

It snowed harder and for longer than I can remember today. We couldn't make it into work and Judy couldn't make it over to ours, so we did a bit of work and looked after Sam. Last week he was on a beach, this week in thick snow. He wasn't sure about it. You can see from his expressions. He did meet a lot of snowmen though. Which he liked a lot.

Surviving with toddlers

2009-01-31T01:51:00.000-08:00

Via Hazel, from the Guardian this weekend. These are my four favourite - all true.

do not ever allow glitter in the house.

suspend all thought of embarrassment and do what you have to do to get things done. my daughter will only let the cat brush her teeth, so i have told a struggling cat under one arm whilst trying to brush them, but making it look like the cat is doing it.

do not question their choice of bedfellows - including balloons, bath toys and vegetables or bed attire - wellies or superman, fairy tinkerbell outfits.

given access to any phone, a toddler will dial 999.

Brilliant Barbados

2009-01-28T03:02:00.000-08:00

For some reason Blogger isn't allowing me to upload images which is really frustrating. I will try again later - oh, it just did. Weird.

The holiday was great. The Almond Beach Village where we stayed was perfect for families. We had a really good room (3218 - must remember). They call it a one bed beachfront 'suite' in the brochure. It was basically two normal sea facing rooms knocked together but perfect for us. The idea was that we would get Sam to sleep in one room with us in the other but it didn't work out quite like that. On the first night he screamed so hard and for so long when we tried to put him down that we relented and took him into our room. We were jet lagged and just needed a break from the crying. Unfortunately it set the precdent and that sleeping arrangment lasted the whole ten days we were there. The resort has been around for years so is a bit tired but we expected that. You pay for what you get. We liked the fact that after the kid-hating flight, there were loads of families there and because it is all so spread out, it didn't feel crowded at all. It was only at 40% full apparently - credit crunched. It meant we could always get a table easily at meal times, there were never more than a few people waiting at the bars. I don't think we would have enjoyed it nearly as much if it had been 70 or 80% full. As it was, the Sun Lounger Reservists were still out in force from god knows what time. All British obviously. It's such an odd thing. Some of these people must not sleep. You can't help but join them though or you didn't get any shade and we really needed it for the little man.

It was brilliant spending some proper time with Sam. He definitely entered a new developmental phase out there. His energy levels have gone up a gear. He was more than happy to wonder off exploring and 'chatting' to who or whatever he bumped into, so we had to tag team to keep an eye on him the whole time.

He came to love the beach, running backwards and forwards in an out of the sea an we did a dad and son coral and stone collection once a day which he loved.

He is starting to really test us though. The protest screams / tantrums are definitely beginning - see entry below and they are spectacular in every (bad) way possible.

He was at his most hilarious with other kids and attracted the attention of various slightly older girls. One night in particular we were wetting ourselves as he ran about on a dance floor screaming with excitement at twenty other kids for no good reason other than he was loving it. We thought he probably needed nursery sooner rather than later and the holiday just reinforced it.

The week went far too fast as usual but it was just what we all needed.

Captain Chaos

2009-01-28T02:09:00.000-08:00

It was our fault really. We left Polo, Sam's large cuddly polar bear, in the Business Class Lounge are at Gatwick. Big mistake. Polo is Sam's right hand...bear, the Corbett to his Barker, the Laurel to his Hardy, the one thing that he needs to calm him down when he's kicking off, or send him to sleep when he is fighting to stay awake. And in a momentary lapse of concentration, he was gone and there was no way of getting him back. Jo and I blamed each other but ultimately had to work as a team to make sure that he was OK on the flight. I have been lucky enough to fly a lot. This flight to Barbados was the first time though, that I have not unwrapped the headphones or listened to a single second of in-flight enertainment. Oh no. You could hear our in-flight entertainment without headphones. He was running up and down the aisles, screeching like a mad Ork from Lord of the Rings closely followed by one of us covered in milk, raisens and bits of Lego. The thing about Business Class, especially going to Barbardos is that it is full of smug, humorless, Daily Mail reading twats . Sorry but they are. Utterly without empathy to having a baby in their midst or to the fact that we were doing everything in our power to minimise the effect of Sam's presence, they sat there with scowls on their fat, saggy, overmade-up faces. One old couple behind us sank the best part of three bottles of wine each then had a go at Jo for not keeping Sam 'under control'. Jo was rightly upset, I was furious with the rude old fucker and told him so. But despite them being doddery old soaks, after that every murmur from Damian (Sam had temporarily become the Son of Satan - see photo of him on arrival wearing Jo's black dress) made us feel even more conspicuous.

I'll talk about the holiday in the next post. It was great.

Safe to say that we boarded the plane for our return journey with some trepidation. The usual self-satisfied jowl monsters glared up at us from behind their plastic champagne flutes, except this time the sun and daily alcohol intake had turned quite a few of them completely puce, like characters from the Asterik books after a skin full.

Sam's first deed, before we had even sat down, was to pour a full beaker of apple juice all over one of our seats, giggling like a tiny menace. It wasn't a great start and things took a rapid turn for the worse after take off. Try as we might to coax him to sleep, the cabin lights were still on and he wasn't having any of it. He properly kicked off, screaming so loudly that I ended up having to lock myself in the toilet to spare everyone his bawling. I sat on the toilet seat with him in his grow bag pulling loo rolls off their spools and throwing them against the door. I thought I may have to remain there the whole flight when my elbow accidentally nudged the top of a moisturiser cream bottle and sent a jet of it spraying on to my top. Sam looked at me and bust into hysterics. Eureka. I spent the next ten minutes shooting different hand creams at myself with him now giggling away and demanding I continue.

We eventually got him to sleep on Jo. I took both our meals and passed hers across to her. The cabin crew were better on the return flight than on the way out an helped us out quite a bit, so the rest of the flight was fairly uneventful (well, he was asleep).

Oh and Coleen whatshername, Wayne Rooney's wife was sitting two seats from us. She studiously avoided all eye contact with anyone. No doubt a result of getting papped wherever she goes, poor girl. But for the record, the re-touchers are definitely doing a major job on her PR shots....

What did we learn about flying with an energetic 16month old? Basically, don't do it. Long haul anyway. Business Class was a total waste of money as Sam was too big for a cot, didn't have his own seat and wanted to run about. We could have got 3 Premium Economy seats for less money. Even then, I don't think it would have made much difference. He would still have been wanting to explore. It is not easy for kids that age with concentration spans of roughly ten minutes to sit couped up on an eight hour flight.

MediSed is a totally unethical but effective solution apparently but essentially sedating your baby with drugs is probably a bit drastic....

BA were OK, not brilliant. What you want from Cabin crew is warmth, empathy and help, all of which were a bit in short supply. we are going to Cornwall for holiday this Summer, so it is not going to be relevant to us for a while anyway.

Happy 2009

2009-01-04T13:27:00.001-08:00

First day back in the office tomorrow. Today that 'back to school' feeling has been creeping up on me like it always does at this time of year. I don't like it. The last few days at home have been brilliant - everyone just about well again and the three of us having fun, pottering about, seeing a few friends and chilling out for the first time in ages. You forget how nice it is to do nothing with your family. Sam has been on great form. He is eating again and has been charging around the house like a mini-whirlwind. We brought him a mini-kitchen, complete with little pots and pans that he loves. I'll attach a picture when I remember. It is missing a tap from the sink but that's because daddy had a Basil Fawlty moment when he was putting it together and snapped it off in a rage. Still, he hasn't seemed to notice.

So unsure about how this year is going to pan out but I can feel change in the air again. We have finished the earn out period at work so it might be time to move jobs, if there are any out there. It is looking pretty dire at the moment. God knows what's in store on that front. We are also starting to seriously think about trying for number 2 and possibly even moving house. Not much then!

2008 has been a real challenge, emotionally and physically. Sam has been the best thing ever in our lives but we were both burnt out come December. Working out how to use and save energy most effectively is something I still haven't mastered yet and I know I need to if we are going to grow the family and function properly at work.

Still we are very lucky. We've got great family and a lovely home. Financially we have worked so hard to make sure we are in a better position than I guess a lot of people are. Now we just need to make sure we stay healthy, look after ourselves and go with the flow.....

Bit of a Crap Christmas

2008-12-28T07:06:00.000-08:00

It never quite lives up to the hype, Christmas. We have just come back from our Christmas 'break' but unfortunately, it wasn't much of a break. Jo and Sam both got a vicious dose of the flu that has been going around and that I had, albeit much more mildly, a few weeks ago.

It really buggered things up to be honest. Jo couldn't relax and Sammy had a streaming nose all day, every day and needed loads more attention than usual. It all meant that despite everyone's best efforts, there wasn't a great deal of festive cheer to go round. Sam got loads of cool presents, even though they took third place behind playing with pots and pans or helping to make cups of tea??? Generally though, all the things that should have been fun were a bit of a chore. We did take Sam to a cute Cristingle carol service in Iffley but other than that there was a lot of coughing and spluttering and feeling rubbish. Typically Hazel and mum pulled out all the stops which was brilliant despite us not really feeling up to doing much. It has left us all really flat at a time of year when you generally feel a bit flat anyway. We are back to work tomorrow for a couple of days before spending new year with Jamie and Tiff. I really hope we are all feeling better by then. I can't quite believe how much Sam has changed in a year. Check out the picture at the top of the page from Christmas day last year....

One hugely positive thing and something that we are so lucky to have to look forward to, is that we have booked a 10 day break in Barbados in a couple of weeks time. It should really give us a chance to properly recharge. We all need it. There is loads to consider about what we want to do next year. I haven't managed to clear my head enough to think about it yet. Bring it on.

Broadening horizons

2008-12-15T12:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't written for ages. Usual reasons really. Work has been mad and I can't catch Sam still for more than two seconds to get a photo anyway. These are the first two in a few weeks that haven't been a complete blur. He's been brilliant. He's properly picking up on everything we do and say now. He really loves playing games. He throws and kicks a ball and if you ask for a kiss on the cheek he'll give you one. He can point to his nose and eyes and ears and hair on command too which is really cute. Bedtime is more 'energetic' than it used to be and generally involves Sammy charging around his room, giggling like a mad man and leaving a trail of clothes and books scattered in his wake as one of us tries in vain to read him the Gruffalo. Given all that, the photo above is a rare thing indeed and should be treasured accordingly.

It's time to start consiering nursery a few days a week. even though him and Zack go to a class every day, Sam needs more stimulation from a group of kids his age. He needs to feel comfortable in a busy kid-like environment and he needs to find his way when neither Judy or one of us are there. I imagine he'll go from March when he is 18months if we can find somewhere nice enough. It's so easy to not want to let him go but it's a new phase of him broadening his horizons beyond home and mummy and daddy.

Growing up

2008-11-30T12:16:00.000-08:00

Jo brought Sam a little table and chair set that he has taken to straight away. We have just had a really nice morning pottering about, going to the swings, drawing, chasing him around the house. After another full-on week at work, it's been a relief to forget all about it and spend time with my family. It's what it's all about, isn't it?

Snotty

2008-11-16T11:21:00.000-08:00

Sam has had a really bad cold recently. Coupled with a second round of teething, it's enough to floor anyone. Yet through all the snot and coughing, he still manages to beam away and have bursts of energy (see above - Christmas is going to be messy).

Jo and I went to look round a local primary school last week. It's called Orchard House and it's private. To be honest, we haven't decided what we are going to do about schools yet as we don't know exactly where we will be living in three years time. The local state primary is meant to be 'improving'. How crap it was before I don't know but the way things are you can't wait until the last minute to put your kids down on waiting lists for the popular private schools. It's a whole new world of matronly headmistresses, PE teachers from South Africa called Steve and all-white classes of 5 year olds saying 'hello visitors' in unison as you tour their classrooms. There was one other parent waiting to be shown round that morning. He was so posh he could hardly speak. His wife had only come out of hospital the day before with their first kid! There's being on the case and there's being ridiculous. Ah, Chiswick. There's a sitcom in all of this somewhere.

Anyway the school was quite cute. A big house really but busy and animated like a school should be. It's difficult to judge really as we haven't seen anywhere else to compare it too yet. Still, I guess we'll pay the £50 and see what happens.

Little man, big energy

2008-11-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't written for a while. Work has been ridiculously full-on and when I'm with Sam, I haven't had my camera on me to take decent pictures. He just gets more and more fun. I thought he charged around before but he has taken it to a whole new level now. We went to Heathrow to meet Jo's mum today and as soon as we put him down he was off. He will run up to total strangers, look inquisitively at them and then break into a huge, giggly smile. It's so cute.
I haven't been feeling 100% recently which means I haven't been the best dad I can be. I think it's just exaustion from work. I read an article last week about middle class parents spending less time with their kids than working class parents who tend to work more 9-5 and can get home for proper evenings with their kids. On friday I literally crawled into bed and passed out when I got back. I felt terrible but I just shut down. I keep thinking I am about to lose my voice too which is a bit worrying (especially if you have hypocondriac tendencies like I do : ).
I am wondering whether years of shouting an smoking in clubs and at raves has weakened my vocal cords or if I have nodules on them or something.
I signed off 12 holidays for people at work last week and i was thinking 'what about me?' when do Jo and I who have the most pressurised positions in the company get to go away? There never seems to be a good time. We are in the unique position of both of us being massively busy all the time. I think we need a break every 3-4months, especially now it's winter. I would really like to take a bit of a sabatical at the beginning of next year, step back and take stock of things. I think I need it.

Judy

2008-10-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

We do a nanny share with a family around the corner from us. The nanny's name is Judy (pic below). I don't know why I haven't written about her before really. She's Phillipino and has six kids of her own! Sam loves her. And I guess because of that, so do we. If you want to work, finding the right person to look after your baby is such a big thing to get right. We kind of lucked in with Judy. She is great with Sam and clearly adores him. We ask her to work pretty long hours too. She gets to ours at 6.45am so we can leave for work. One of us will then pick him up from either Zak's (other couple's son) or ours at 6.45pm. Like everyone, Judy has her.... little quirks. She has a thing for Nigerian satellite channels on TV. Yep, Nigerian Satellite channels???? which given that they look like the opening scenes to badly scripted, shot on handicam porn films, is a bit weird. She's also got what can only be described as a 'unique' dress sense, especially when she has somewhere to go in the evening - all stilettos and far too short mini-skirts. God knows what our neighbours and local cab drivers think when she totters out of our house in the evenings. I can imagine the 'I always knew there was something funny about that couple' conversations going on behind net curtains opposite. Judy's accent is really strong too so when Sam does eventually speak, he could well have a Phillipino twang. I guess it's different. Especially for Chiswick.

Autumn Sam

2008-10-18T04:36:00.001-07:00

Had a couple of weeks seeing Sam a lot and it has been great. He ended up laughing at his MMR jabs???? and has been generally giggly and smiley the whole time. He can kind of say 'muma' and 'dada' and the beginning of 'milk', just the mmmmmmmmm bit which at the moment just sounds a bit like someone with a stammer.
I still can't believe that he is only 13months. Inevitably thoughts have turned to when we should try for number 2. Quite a few of our friends are already pregnant with their second kids - there's a 'get it out of the way' mentality for some people (us included I think). That sounds terrible but we are just not the type of couple who revelled in those first six months. We both found them unbelievably tough going. The thought of going through it again is pretty daunting and with us both so flat out at work.....
It's got to be done. I 100% don't want Sam to be an only child. The timing just needs to be right. Jo is enjoying being back at work, there's a huge recession looming, we are not sure what our jobs will really look like next year. I think we will wait until new year then go for it. In the meantime we can forget about it and enjoy our amazing little boy....

Catch him if you can.....

2008-10-06T12:01:00.001-07:00

I haven't spent the last few weekends with Sam and it takes a while to 're-bond' again. Work is mad too so I am finding it tricky to get home in time for his bath. Really frustrating. I want to have a few weeks just messing about with him now. He's always amazing though. I can't physically get a picture of him because he is never, ever still. (See above). He is picking up on everything we do now so got to watch the swearing. He loads the washing machine and dryer, loves taking stuff out to the recycling bin, turning on the decks and putting records back in their sleeves (preferable I think to taking them out and chucking them about). He's got a top sense of humour too and a brilliant giggle. I'm loving him from afar.....

Stuff and things

2008-09-21T11:28:00.000-07:00

Losing stuff

I took Sam out to two different parks yesterday and both times he (we) managed to lose something. One of the things you realise pretty quickly with babies is that unless you have something physically attached on to the frame of your buggy / pushchair, it's going to be flung out at some point and the chances are you won't see it happening and so won't see whatever it is again. Sam was doing his best to lose his Crocs but I managed to retrace our tracks (5 times) and find them. The same can't be said for the mini football however or the vegetable snacks that have both been set free to make their own way in the world.

Jabs

Sam is due for his MMR pretty soon and I think we will probably get all 3 done at once but it is really annoying that there was ever a study done (however discredited it has been since) saying that there could be a link with autism. Doubt, even just a seed of doubt is not something you want when making decisions about your kids health. I know the chances of him having an adverse reaction are microscopically small but a reverse National Lottery campaign keeps playing in my head - 'it could be you'.

Friends

Jo and I have chatted about the importance of developing relationships with friends that include the kids. It is quite easy to keep seeing your friends in the same capacity as you did before you had your baby. What I mean is, you put the kids to bed, get a baby sitter and then do what you used to do. Obviously that doesn't involve them and it is something that I guess we need to work on. It's doing things like having more lunch time picnics, taking the kids swimming together - that sort of stuff. I want Sam to feel comfortable around other kids. At the moment he is definitely most comfortable around us which is natural but as he only really sees Zac (our nanny share couple's son) and although he goes to a couple of fun 'classes' with other kids, he doesn't get that much variety in his social interaction.

A proper little person

2008-09-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

Nearly one

2008-08-31T11:33:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that next weekend is Sam's birthday and that he wasn't even here this time last year. He has developed so much in 12 months it's mind blowing really. I was thinking of finishing the blog after his first birthday but I have decided to carry it on, although I won't be such a 'new dad' any more, there is still so much to learn and think about and document. I think we have been incredibly lucky to have such a beautiful, funny, healthy (so far, fingers crossed) boy. I put him to bed tonight and almost wanted to cry when I saw his little face looking up at me. It's such a difficult feeling to describe, the uniqueness and depth of the love that you feel for your kids. It's utterly overwhelming. I'm in awe of it.
Sam is currently going though a 'not interested in food' phase which means every meal time takes about an hour of mummy and daddy trying to distract him with toys, games and by leaping about, all so we can slip in a mouthful of food when he is not looking. When he does eat, he looks like Henry the eighth at a medieval banquet, ripping everything to shreds and spitting half of it out whilst throwing his food smeared head back to glug / spill the contents of his beaker down his front.
The kitchen looks post-apocalyptic after every meal, tiny plastic figures half buried in yoghurt rivers float past battery operated toys farting out their dying electronic spasms as the apple juice soaking renders them useless. You get the picture....
Basically, he's brilliant.

Bank holiday Sam

2008-08-25T06:53:00.001-07:00

In years gone by August Bank Holiday was one of the biggest party weekends of the year. No longer (and thank goodness). We have had a really chilled couple of days and Sam has been on great form. He needs constant watching though. Turn your back and he is half way up the stairs before you know it. He actually fell back down them today which gave both him and us a bit of a wake up call. You suddenly remember how vulnerable he still is. He's also loving turning on the buttons on the decks and 'leafing through' my record collection. This is both good (I want him to be into his music) and bad (those records are far from baby proof).

No time to miss

2008-08-18T00:02:00.000-07:00

I haven't spent a decent amount of time with Sam lately. Last weekend Jo and I went to Norfolk for our second wedding anniversary leaving Sam with Jo's mum and this weekend I was away for work. He changes so much in such a short space of time and it takes a while to reconnect. This morning he was literally trying to run around the house, pointing at everything and anything. Most things are 'do' at the moment but he is definately not far from being able to speak. He's amazing. I wanted to cuddle forever.

Parks are the new living rooms

2008-08-03T09:57:00.000-07:00

Saturday was picnic day and of course after the weather having been great all week, was terrible when we woke up. We needed to make a split decision - have everyone round to ours or go for it on the picnic and hope the rain stopped for the afternoon. Now I don't know about you but seeing the carnage one 11 month old can bring to a living room, there was only one option as far as I was concerned.

Living rooms

Places you feel protective about
Limited space to charge around in
Full of expensive electrical stuff to eat / throw / lose
Spillages soak into your nice tasteful cream carpet
Sharp edges
Enticing plug sockets

Parks

Places the council feel protective about
Unlimited space to charge around in
Full of inexpensive natural stuff to eat / throw / lose
Spillages soak into the grass
Occasional sharp bits about
No plug sockets

I wasn't entirely happy with how members of the general public would perceive a thirty something man in a raincoat setting up bunting and trays of food near a playground to entice kids over but.......I wasn't arrested and as soon as everyone arrived the sun came out. There were such a nice group of people there. I'd made a couple of summery playlists, everyone was very chilled, their kids loving being outside. It was one of my favourite days of the year so far.

Floating drums

2008-07-28T06:16:00.001-07:00

Jo was given this cool video camera called a 'flip' for her birthday which makes shooting and uploading videos really easy. This is a little test.

First man standing

2008-07-27T14:09:00.000-07:00

Sam is now officially standing. It's been really ricky to get decent photos because I am normally keeping guard a few feet away just in case he falls. It's one of those major life stage things standing isn't it? Sort of like those 'Accent of man' posters that show apes evolving into man. You can tell it's a new sensation for him. He sways back and forth not really knowing what to make of it. It's amazing to watch as he takes a few steps. He's only ten and a half months old which seems pretty early to be doing this sort of thing. It's bound to enrage the competitive Chiswick Gymboree mums (my son, he's sooo advanced etc) whose kids are still on all fours. Which is great, obviously.
We are having an early birthday picnic for him (and about thirty other kids) on Acton Green next weekend, not that he will have much of a clue what's going on. It will be nice for him to see loads of kids his age and for us to see a lot of our mates, killing several stones with one event. It is difficult to describe to anyone without kids how having a baby requires miltary-style planning if you are going to try and see friends. They all have routines (the babies not the friends) and they kind of need to stick as closely as possible to them, at least initially. Even getting a babysitter for an evening doesn't quite cut it sometimes. It's New Parents Lesson number 324: unless your baby is staying away for the night, you'll need to leave dinner before you are ready to get back for the babysitter.
Actually that's really handy if you need an excuse to leave but more often than not we are just hitting our stride when the taxi turns up.

Little blue eyes

2008-07-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

Sun, sea and sickness

2008-07-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

Well, we got back from Spain lunch time on Saturday. It was a good week. But since it was our first time away as a family, not like any holiday I have ever had before. I don't know where to start really. We learnt a lot. Here's some of the things:

1. If you need an hour and a half to check in when it's just the two of you, add at least another hour on top if you have a baby with you. Checking in a car seat and taking a pushchair through customs is a whole new experience. Potential Faulty Towers moments await as you strip off your belt and shoes with one hand whilst holding a baby who wants to crawl inside the x-ray machine in the other.
2. Go with some really good mates who have kids of similar ages so you can share the hilarity / pain. (We did, thank goodness).
3. Even better if the kids are all very similar in age. Weirdly when they are this young the difference in routine from a two year old to Sam's age (10months) is quite big. The older kids eat, bath and play together and it can feel a bit like the younger one is left out sometimes.
4. Having said that, older kids provide tonnes of stimulation and end up being idolised by the younger ones. Sam couldn't take his eyes off what the two two year olds were doing.
5. You need a huge villa if you don't want to sleep in the same room as your baby (trust me, on holiday you don't). We were 3 couples and 4 kids. The villa had 7 bedrooms so everyone had their own space. Crucial I think.
6. The days of lying in until midday and drifting off to sleep by the pool after a semi-alcoholic lunch are over. At least if you ever go away with your baby. We knew that would be the case but it was still a bit of a shock. I wholeheartedly believe you should make sure you get at least a week away every year, just as a couple. It will keep you sane and you might just come back relaxed not exhausted.
7. Pray you don't all get a hardcore vomiting bug at the same time. OK, not really a learning this but something that happened and will stick long in the memory for all the wrong reasons. At one point in the middle of the night last Thursday, we had Sam throwing up in our bed, whilst mum and dad blew chunks in the his and hers bathrooms down the corridor. We're still not 100% better yet either. Nasty.

Little man, big packing

2008-07-06T13:36:00.000-07:00

We are going on holiday to Spain next weekend. It will be our first trip abroad with Sam and I am feeling a certain amount of trepidation. What will he be like having to get up at 3am to get the flight? Will he kick off on the plane? How will he cope with the heat? One of the most immediate issues though is what we need to pack. Pretty much everything he owns as it turns out. Given that Jo doesn't pack light either, that means we either pay a huge excess baggage fee or I get to take a pair of pants and a flip flop. Clearly it will be the latter. Again, this is the family pecking order at work. When it comes to holiday packing men are perceived as least in need of suitcase space. And so it will come to pass that this time next week our luggage will be full of hair straighteners, arm bands and fake tan. And a size ten flip flop.

Exploring part 2

2008-07-04T08:58:00.001-07:00

Trying to be green

2008-07-03T00:49:00.001-07:00

How can you have a baby and be really environmentally friendly? (without spending a fortune doing it). I'm not sure we have got the hang of it yet. We seem to generate so much rubbish since Sam was born. The nappies we buy are disposable and supposedly biodegradable but in our local 'recycling' place there is no specific place for them. They just go in with the general waste, which invariably means landfill. Then there's the baby products you buy, push chairs, toys etc. Everything is either made out of plastic or comes in about seven layers of polythene, cardboard or polystyrene packaging.....Only the cardboard has it's own recycling skip, so again the rest goes in landfill. I feel bad about it but what can you do? I'm really up for recycling as much stuff as possible but we have a limited number of options for where to put things.

Maybe I'm just being lazy but I can't think what else we should be doing....

The explorer

2008-06-26T22:12:00.001-07:00

Hi, I think I left daddy's Blackberry in here somewhere.

Right, now where's that TV remote gone?

PHD in car seats

2008-06-21T02:04:00.000-07:00

Do you have one? Thought not. But it's a shame because if you have ever tried to install one of these little f***kers you'll need one just to decifer the instructions. With illustrations that seem to bare no relation to the 'step by step guide' that contains the names of parts you have never heard of but are meant to understand, like 'belt yolk'. It's so frustrating. I mean what the **** is a belt yolk anyway and wouldn't it make sense for fig D2 to follow on from fig D1?
I changed Sam's newborn car seat for a bigger infant one today which involved an unbelievable amount of re-threading, pulling, tugging and inevitably, swearing.

Mad about the boy

2008-06-20T14:13:00.000-07:00

Unconditional love is a funny thing. I'm not sure I really knew what it meant before Sam (it's different from loving your wife, I guess it is more to do with your baby's vulnerability). To be honest, even with Sam it's taken until quite recently for me to realise. Some people will tell you that it hit them the very moment their child was born, a switch being flicked, love on a new level changing them for ever. I didn't feel that at all. From what I can remember I was exhausted, in awe of the miracle of birth and all that but love really didn't come into it.
In the first few weeks I was intrigued, enraptured, scared and bewildered. In fact I think Jo and I went through pretty much every emotional state possible but it was all too new and life changing for me to sit back and reflect on the love I was feeling. I am sure it was there, I just couldn't connect with it.
Now I can.
I was away for a few days at an work thing in Cannes this week. On the plane on the way back, I suddenly felt a rush of emotion that I haven't had before. Wanting to get back and see my family and not wasting another second to do it. It's a beautiful, warm overwelming feeling. Wanting to see Sam's little face, watching as he pads around discovering the world. Wanting to protect him from harm, knowing you'd do anything for him and anything for Jo.
Of course there will be ups and downs and in thriteen years time he'll hate me and think I am the most embarrassing person on the planet. But that's fine with me. I probably will be by then. Right at this moment, I just feel lucky to have such a brilliant little family.

Playing the game

2008-06-15T23:50:00.000-07:00

Sam has got to the age when he is starting to play games to test how far he can push things. He'll spit his food out to get a reaction or hover by plug sockets (which he knows he shouldn't do) to see if we notice. It's really difficult not to laugh at the food thing. He looks hilarious but anything that gets a visual thumbs up from us is then repeated again and again. His personality is really starting to develop now. He has a huge repetoire of facial expressions that are his own. Blowing through his mouth in a kind of 'oooh' shape is one of my favourites. His huge toothy grin is another. Still the most active baby I've ever met.

Kids and ads

2008-06-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

Working in advertising and being a new dad, I notice more than I ever did how the industry targets kids and mums. It makes me feel uncomfortable but at least we've moved on a bit since this - blimey! (double click on the image to read).

Hilarious little man

2008-06-08T11:53:00.001-07:00

He climb stairs, he shoots toothy grins, he's a total handful and he's utterly brilliant.

The signs of progress

2008-06-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

Sam's development can be measured by the stuff that he has already outgrown. The blue plastic bath seat has done it's duty as it's former occupier is now sitting up in the water by himself. The inflatable 'toy' ring has now begun it's retirement behind the sofa. Once the source of hours of fun, Sam would be out of it in seconds these days. And the new baby car seat is reaching the end of it's useful days as Sam's feet now touch the back of the rear seat and he is constantly trying to turn around and face us. They say it goes fast but I can't believe quite how fast.

Sam meets Victoria and Albert

2008-05-26T09:14:00.000-07:00

It is Bank Holiday. It was pissing down with rain all day so decided to go to a museum. So obviously, did half of London. The queue for the natural history museum was as long as a diplodocus' tail. Same with the Science museum, so we opted for the V&A instead. London museums are great, very baby friendly really but when they are busy they are tricky to negotiate with a buggy. Anything that isn't a Maclaren would be virtually impossible. You have a choice, look at the exhibits or keep an eye on the buggy. Opt for the former and you invariably drive it into the back of an innocent bystanders legs, the latter and you have a good chance of knocking into some priceless sculpture. Also you can't really let a 9 month old baby out which means if they are anything like Sam, they get frustrated pretty quickly.
To be honest he was pretty good most of the time but you do find yourself half jogging round each exhibition to make sure you see as much as you can before it all kicks off. Still, it was good to go.
Here are a couple of pictures of Sam in all his cart-pushing glory.

Why dads need sheds

2008-05-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

I get it now. I didn't before. When you have kids unless you live in a huge house, that's your personal space gone. Your kids will move in and spread their seemingly infinite collection of primary coloured stuff over your tastefully decorated living space. The front room, the bedrooms, the bathroom, the bath, the kitchen and everything in the cupboards, even the fridge will be relinquished to a baby onslaught. My decks, once my proudest possession lie dormant sandwiched between bags of Sam's stuff. I dare not even venture behind the sofa where yet more 'baby bags' and barely used carrying devices lie. This is why men need sheds. Somewhere they escape to, put their man stuff in, instruction manuals, electrical things, memories of the old hobbies you once had when you were cool, like said decks, or electric guitars or skateboards or mountain bikes. That sheds are normally crappy, leaking wooden things at the far end of the garden says a lot about where dads come in the domestic pecking order. As soon as your baby moves in, you start to be forced out. Fact.

Fast forward

2008-05-21T04:30:00.000-07:00

I love these photos. Sam is hilarious at the moment. He doesn't stop. Ever. It's this endless energy which is brilliant and exhausting at the same time. It looks as though he is going to be walking within a month or so. We got him this little baby cart that carries coloured building blocks and yesterday he hauled himself up behind it and pushed it across the living room taking steps by himself and looking like a tiny drunk person concentrating like mad to stay on his feet. It is so amazing to see him developing. I have just finished the last bit of a huge pitch so I should be able to spend a bit more time with him now. Jo is back to work in a couple of weeks and has found a Filipino nanny who we are going to share with a couple from round the corner. I haven't met her yet but by all accounts she's great. It's a weird thing suddenly handing over responsibility to a complete stranger. It will be really interesting to see how Sam takes to her (and vice versa).

High protection

2008-05-11T11:57:00.000-07:00

Sam has been up and down this week. The Brazilian 'sleep' nanny (who didn't seem to get much sleep herself) was amazing. After two nights staying over, she kind of validated what we had been thinking, that we have been picking up Sam too quickly and too much since he was ill and he has got used to it. It seems to me that one of the great things about babies though is that they can unlearn as fast as they can learn. And so, after two nights of not being picked up, suddenly he was sleeping almost right through. Amazing really. He was back to his usual self, charging around and babbling nonsense. A bit like us.
Of course it didn't last.
It has been boiling hot for the last few days and this weekend was a proper scorcher. Yesterday we took Sam to Regents Park to meet some friends for a picnic. Almost as soon as we arrived he was really lethargic and out of sorts. We had plastered him in high protective sun cream and he was in the shade with a huge sun hat on (looked dead cute actually but my camera had run out of batteries) but it didn't seem to make any difference. We got quite worried about him and stripped him down to his nappy and put some cold water on him but he didn't really seem to be responding that well.
That night he had a temperature and just after we had a finished his bed time story (we've started them now. They mainly involve one of us reading whilst Sam attempts to eat the book but it does seem to calm him down before sleep), he projectile vomited all over me. I don't know if you have ever had your baby do that but it is really upsetting. Not the actual puke, that's just milk with bits in, but the fact that you are rudely reminded that your baby is just that, a baby - tiny and vulnerable and 100% reliant on you, his mum and dad.
Poor little thing.
He fell asleep after that and woke a couple of times in the night but seemed a bit more like himself today, although his temperature was still a bit high.
I know this is the start of hundreds of episodes like this. The road to building up the immune system is littered with thermometers, rashes, spots, puke covered sheets and probably at least one visit to A&E. Joy.

Climbing up the walls

2008-05-04T23:20:00.000-07:00

I got back from New Zealand yesterday. It turned out to be a really great week. Even the flight was fine. It obviously helped being in Business Class and fairly heavily sedated with various members of the Valium, Diazipam family (thanks Tony and Mum!) but even on the way back when we were bumping around for a good few hours I never thought 'so this is it then' which, given what I have been like before is serious progress.
I loved New Zealand on lots of levels. Even though I didn't have time to get out of Auckland, I know that physically it is a beautiful place. There's only four million people in the whole country so it doesn't ever feel crowded. Everyone I met from cab drivers to airport security to waiters and waitresses were unbelievably friendly and the ad industry guys were open, positive and largely ego free, which was a refreshing change from a lot of the w***kers you meet in the UK. In fact if it wasn't so far away I would really love to live there.
I was one of three international judges, the other two were from a Swedish directors collective called Traktor. They have won Grammys, over 20 Cannes awards bla bla bla and could easily have been so full of themselves but were about as far away from that as you could imagine. They had been shooting in Auckland and went out of their way to include me in everything they were doing. It really made my stay. They were so much fun to be around.
I was upset at having to leave Jo and Sammy as he still wasn't 100% when I left and Jo was knackered. Fortunately I had loads of pictures of them both on my laptop that meant I could spend a few minutes looking through them before bed at night.
The most frustrating thing about life at the moment is that Sam has gone backwards on the sleeping front. He is so brilliant in so many ways. He has a top sense of humour and is standing and trying to climb up anything he can find, but ever since he was ill his night time routine is all over the place. He wakes at least 2 or 3 times between 7pm and 6am. We have been taking him into our room to settle him which I think in hindsight has been a mistake. I don't believe that there is anything fundamentally wrong with him. Maybe it is time we gave him some 'tough love' and left him to cry it out rather than him expecting us to come in and comfort him.
It's putting a huge strain on Jo as she is taking the night time responsibility. I can't see how she could go back to work when he is like this. It is not physically possible. She is talking about needing to get in to bed between 8-9pm which is probably right but that just doesn't work for me. I often don't get back until around then and last thing I want to do is go straight to sleep. Jo has organised a specialist sleeping nanny coming for two nights which is a great move. It will be interesting to see what she says. We can't go on like this.
It sounds like I am not glad to be back. Of course I am but this is a problem that can put a real strain on your relationship (only temporarily but, you know...) and I am jetlagged out of my head so not really feeling like myself yet. Chatted today about going to see a life-coach to get help with striking a work life-home life balance because I have found it really difficult to leave work behind in the last few months. I know I can be distant or grumpy at home when really on paper things are great. There's nothing like tiredness to make you rub each other up the wrong way though and we are both running close to empty a lot of the time. I'll make some calls this week but it is not as simple as me striking a life balance. Sam needs to start sleeping through and as soon as possible.

A time to think

2008-04-26T00:55:00.000-07:00

I am off to New Zealand tonight. I am not really sure how I feel about it. On one hand I am going to miss Jo and Sam a lot, I feel physically and mentally burnt out and it's ****ing miles away. As a stand-up comedian said last night 'any further and you're on your way back'. He also said that Chiswick is 'Ealing for wankers', both true.
On the other hand, maybe I can sleep and catch up with myself on the flight. This is probably as good a point as any to stop and take stock of the last few months.
What have I learned? Amongst other things:
1. Until you have had a baby, you have absolutely no idea of what being tired means.
2. You can have endless days of frustration and worry about your baby but then he looks at you and smiles and you forget about all the negative stuff.
3. The structure of your days will never be the same again. 7am is a lie in, 11pm is late. Normally you will find yourself falling asleep after the first game of Match of the Day and being up before they re-show it on Sunday morning. Bearing in mind that only a few years ago we might still have been up from the night before, this is a pretty big shift.
4. You can't look after your baby and try to do anything else at the same time. Maybe this is a bloke thing but I can't write a proper email, concentrate on any work, tidy the house, file, sort or fill out forms when Sam is there and wanting attention. Actually maybe this is a Sam thing.
5. You will have a less frenetic social life but secretly be quite pleased about not having to stand in a bar full of gurning twenty-somethings on a friday night.
6. You can have the odd night 'on it' but if you overdo it your baby will make you pay like you can't imagine.
7. Your energy levels will fluctuate from between 20-70% capacity but never higher.
8. As soon as you are away from your family, you'll want to be back with them.

We won a huge pitch last week. I got a good pay rise yesterday. It's a beautiful Spring morning and Sam seems to be getting better.
Who knows what is on the horizon but I am going to enjoy now because now is pretty damn good.

It's official

2008-04-20T23:36:00.000-07:00

In terms of healthy babies, we have the most brilliant but most high maintenance little boy in the world. I was chatting with Jo last night, both of us exhausted by a weekend of Sam puking then running about like nothing had happened (and even though we'd all only had about 3 hours sleep), and she told me that virtually every mum she meets has babies sleeping right through the night. How annoying is that??? Granted some of them are kind of lethargic formula fed frogs that just sit there and grunt every now and again but what I'd give for one of those just one night a week....
Apparently when Sam went for a developmental check at the clinic last week they do this test where they see if the baby can pick up a raison. Not only was he almost juggling them but he also worked out that if he licked his finger that it made it sticky and he could pick up a whole rice cake with it. Then when they left, and the female doctor waved goodbye to him, he waved back. She almost fainted. Like I said, brilliant and clearly very bright but not a sleep lover by any stretch of the imagination. Unfortunately, I blame his parents.

Work and Play

2008-04-19T03:32:00.000-07:00

I have been working like a dog for the last few weeks. Sam has been playing with all sorts of things. I can't believe how many new skills he seems to get every few days. Jo brought him a baby walker (wooden thing on wheels filled with little coloured blocks). He can lift himself onto his feet to push it along, albeit a bit unsteadily. He is also crawling around with ever increasing speed. Suddenly the house doesn't seem baby friendly at all. Turn your back and he's off. We've looked at the books and he appears to be a couple of months ahead of where he should be. His teeth are still causing him (and us) pain. It means he hasn't really slept through the night for a few weeks now. We are both feeling 'half there' wondering about in a bit of a daze. I have been getting through 12 hour work days on high dosages of caffeine which isn't really sustainable. I am off to New Zealand for a work thing next weekend for a week. Given my fear of flying, this is the everest of challenges and will either break the back of it for good or send me over the edge. The trip is one of those I agreed to months ago when there wasn't much on. Now of course, we couldn't be more busy, I don't feel I have spent enough time with Jo and Sam recently and it's too late to back out.
The way I am trying to look at it is perhaps I can use the flight to just pause for a second and catch my breath. There are so many demands being made on me at the moment from so many people, it kind of feels like the only way to escape is to get on a plane.....
Our joint social life is pretty non-existent. We have had to cancel going down to Devon with for a long weekend with some of Jo's friends today because Sam seems to have caught some sort of gastric stomach bug and is vomiting back up anything he takes down.
Poor little thing is still managing to raise a smile. He's amazing really. I am selfishly hoping neither Jo or I pick it up. It would be the last thing either of us needs this week.
Attached, some cool pics of Sammy.

Actions and words

2008-04-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

Just come back from a weekend in Cornwall with Sam, Jo, Hazel and Stu. It was lovely, a big holiday home in a beautiful location near a place called Crackington Haven. Sam was being particularly hilarious. He has taken to doing these vigorous cycling motions with his legs, either when I take him 'flying' (on my arm) or when he is in the bath. It's like he is trying to power an invisible pedalo and he wears this determined look of concentration as he does it. He had all of us on the floor in hysterics last night. Physically, he is stronger than he has ever been. he has 'dinner ladies arms' at the moment, chubby and pink but hasn't quite mastered the crawling thing yet and is still in the habit of rocking backwards and forwards on the spot and getting a bit frustrated or falling forward on his face.
For the last two nights Hazel and Stu had him sleeping in their room. Apparently he has been 'talking' to himself a lot during the night, bascially a series of squeaks, grunts and gibberish as he limbers up his vocal chords for speech. We even think he may be very close to his first word which sounds like it may be 'hello', an altogether preferable choice to shit, bugger or fuck which he has probably heard a few too many times in the last few months.

The tooth, the whole tooth etc..

2008-03-25T06:15:00.001-07:00

Seems like ages since I last wrote this. Work has kicked off in a big way and whenever I do get a moment, my computer is usually in Sam's room with him asleep. It's time we both had our own space. He is on the verge of crawling and a mobile baby plus expensive Mac, sound system and wires doesn't mix. I will have to move upstairs, the one room in the house that he hasn't got his stuff in yet.
He has been brilliant lately. Really amazing. He has been eating well, getting stronger all the time and dying to break free and explore. It is fantastic but in a strange kind of way, it makes me melancholy that he'll never be as reliant on us again. The world is far too exciting to sit around and watch it go by with your mum and dad.
The only problem has been that he is now teething and is clearly in pain. Last night, I was lying in bed last after unsuccessfully trying to calm him down and attempting to think of a fantastically simple invention that could both sooth him and make us millions in the process. As it was, I fell asleep and dreamt that Tony Soprano was trying to have me whacked with a man-sized cuddly toy.
Easter weekend was good. Much better than Christmas because we are in the groove with Sam now. On Friday we took him swimming at our local gym which he seemed to love and then to the Imperial War museum which was ace. He seemed to be into the new smells and sounds though in all fairness, was probably not quite as enthralled at the trench warfare exhibit as his dad was.
Surely one of the great things about having a kid is that you get to take them to places you might have gone as a kid and are secretly dying to go back to? The Science and Natural History museums, The London Dungeons, fun fairs, theme parks. I can't wait.
We ended up in Battersea park at the children's zoo which was cute, although just as we were about to leave and with a Siberian gale blowing in, Sam decided he would poo for Britain. Cue emergency changing in the back of the Mini involving some serious contortionist moves from mum and a resolution from dad to get that new car sorted sooner rather than later.
We spent the weekend with grandparents, Saturday in Ascot and Sunday in Oxford which was nice. My attempts at getting Sam to sit still for a photo though are becoming increasingly futile. He now reaches for the camera, presumably to eat it, as soon as I get it out. We have decided to try and get some professional photos done next weekend. I hope the photographer is a patient man.

The little Dipper

2008-03-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

We took Sam to a three day swimming course this weekend called Little Dippers. He loved it. And so did I. There were about six babies in the class and five or six dads with their kids. We started off by holding them out to one side and moving in a circle in the pool singing 'Ring a ring a roses'. It's so surreal. For a millisecond you think 'what am I doing?', then you just go with it and it's great. Sam was beaming the whole time and even when we submerged him, he didn't cry like most of the others. In fact he spent most of his time splashing everyone else or trying to swim after their floating toys, not his own. We were not allowed to take any pictures (child protection laws apparently) which was a shame but it was brilliant to see him enjoying it so much. He's developing such a great personality. I am so enjoying him at the moment.

Mummy aND DaddY are BAK!

2008-03-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

MummY and DaDDY came BACK FROm holiday thIS MOrning. TheY ARE all BROWn so I diDNT RECognisE THEm at FIRst. ThEY brought ME A steeL drUM but I CouldNT fit it in mY mouTH PROPerly ANd a cAriBBEan RattlE Thing THat i liked for abOUT 10 SEConds. i LOved seeing theEM But hAVE been HAVING A whale of A timE hERe with GrandMA and grandPA Hagger LOOKing AFter mE. MummY anD DaddY have A LOT do to TO imPRESS ME now. They sAID THat theY both FEEL refreshed bUT theN DadDY locked Us out of the HOUSe this AFTERnoon. mUMMy said some SWEAr words and DaddY blameD SOMEone caLLED jETlag. LucKILY GRandma RoycE Came to thE resCUE even THough she HAS BEen poORLY. Like I said, thESE grandpARENTS set the sTandard. I hAVE Alowed muMMY and DadDY TO PuT soME PICtureS of THEmseLVES on my Blog todAY becAuse theEY ain't going awAY WIThout me agAIN.

I look different in every photo!

2008-02-27T11:15:00.001-08:00

movin' on up

2008-02-27T11:09:00.000-08:00

Cling on

2008-02-17T11:39:00.000-08:00

Sam has suddenly become clingy. In the last few days at his evening feed, if Jo isn't there he goes beserk until she has picked him up. It's bizarre. And upsetting. He screams so hard that his face turns bright red and he seems to lose all touch with reality thrashing his head around like he doen't have a clue where he is. I have looked it up online and it seems there's not a great deal you can do apart from not hold him too much during the day. Given that we are planning on being on holiday without him for the first week of March, it's all a bit worrying.
Other than that he is great. He can almost sit up unaided and he is interested in everything (mainly on a 'can I get it in my mouth?' basis). He squawks and giggles and is developing a proper little personality.

Sun and Sand - in February!

2008-02-11T06:37:00.001-08:00

We have just got back from a long weekend in Camber Sands. It was great. There wasn't a cloud in the sky for three days. We were staying in a 'restaurant with rooms' (otherwise known as a 'hotel') called The Place right next to the huge main beach which was ideal and being February, not too expensive either.
Sam was transfixed by the sea, not quite as enthusiastic about the sand. He was beaming most of the weekend though and although he (we) didn't sleep brilliantly, I think he enjoyed himself. I know we did.
The weekend has also been a bit of an eye-opener for me on just how demanding Sam is on your (read Jo's) time. Not that he is particularly difficult, at least not at the moment, it's just that he's there and needs attention and stimulation pretty much constantly. When you're away from home that's fine. It's when you're trying to sort out the boring stuff, the tax returns or the damp walls or the never ending mountain of washing or trying to get the shower re-tiled that it's most frustrating. He just never gives you long enough to make the calls and follow up the inevitable fuck-wittery that ensues on pretty much anything to do with a) the government or b) tradesman.
I don't really know what the answer is.

Brilliant boy

2008-02-02T06:24:00.000-08:00

Sam has entered a lovely phase. Actually I hope it's not just a phase. He is more smiley and more inquistive than ever. I think his eyesite must be improving so he can see the expressions on our faces better than before because he is responding to them more often. He can roll over, he's got loads of different pitched gurgles and is standing almost unaided (but not quite). He loves playing. In fact he demands it. Being picked up and shot like a rocket into the air is one of his favourite things. He's just amazing.
And Sam's not the only one in a new phase. Turning 35 last week and sharing a birthday lunch with 8 other couples, 4 toddlers and 4 babies really brought it home where we are too. A young family with hopes and fears and aspirations and today at least, so much to look forward to.

My fIRST ColD

2008-01-27T09:53:00.000-08:00

aND it'S a stinKER. i canT breAth proPERlY and AS I Don't knOW hOW to blow my Nose I get all StresSED out and GRumpy (seE ABove). MuMMy and DAddy Have put OLbas oil DRops on a BABy pilLow foR Me Which KinD of Helps BUT iT's sTill a BUMMER. On thE plUS side, mY COordinaTION is ComING on LeaPS AND bOUnds, Today I ripPPED UP The whole OF ThE oBSERver's escAPE sECTion wHEN no oNE Was lOOKing.

happy snaps

2008-01-20T08:30:00.000-08:00

Love these photos. Sam has been brilliant over the last few days. To be completely honest, because Jo and her mum have looked after him pretty much constantly, I have managed to get nights of proper sleep so everything seems brilliant to me.
It's scary how much he changes from week to week. Going out to work every day, you have to be so careful not to miss it. It takes me a few hours to feel close to him again if I haven't spent much time with him over the previous few days. I think the feeling is mutual.
I really hate January. Jo is sure that I suffer from some sort of S.A.D. I have so little energy and struggle to really concentrate at work. Last year I got an S.A.D lamp for my desk but short of half blinding me (which it does very effectively), I'm not sure how much 'joy' it really brings.
I don't know whether it's all part of it but I feel like a crap dad at the moment.
I get to the end of a long, dark week and just want to go out and have a large night which isn't that conducive to being more than a monosyllabic slug for the rest of the weekend. Jo also needs the chance to get out and do things beyond looking after Sam and we need some time together where we are both 'on form', looking after each other and feeling close which isn't happening a great deal at the moment.

His Royal Cuteness

2008-01-16T13:38:00.000-08:00

Annoyingly this video doesn't seem to have streamed properly and I can't figure out why. It's dead cute at the right speed....

Rock and roll

2008-01-13T05:37:00.001-08:00

Sam can roll over. He rocks himself back and forward with his legs in the air then pushes himself to one side - usually with a big grin on his face. His legs are getting so much stronger too. When I hold him up he is fairly steady on his feet. Unfortunately he has also developed a new falsetto scream which he seems keen to practice.
I have just tried to find an 'introduction to swimming' course for him, forgetting that this is Chiswick where parents put their unborn foetus' down for schools, so all the places at the best sounding ones have gone, at least until mid March.
Our local gym does something but frustratingly it is during the week which is no good for me. Why don't places ever think that dads might want to get involved and that generally we work Monday - Friday?
I have failed to get any decent pictures of Sam this weekend too. Either I forget to charge the camera or he is moving around so much that all I get is a blur. I know a video is long overdue and I'll try to get something this week.
Work has not ramped up to manic level yet so I should probably try and make the most of that this week....

Eating and Sleeping

2008-01-06T03:41:00.000-08:00

Sam has decided not to do a lot of either at the moment, which is a shame. He is waking up between 3-5 times during the night, not always to feed but enough to let you know about it and get you out of bed.
It's frustrating because he really should be starting to go a bit longer now and it is the one thing that really grinds you down. Work kicks off in earnest this week and I am going to need to get more sleep than I have been doing. Equally Jo needs sleep to preserve her sanity during the dark months.
This typically has coincided with his feeding having gone slightly random. He gets very distracted during the day feeds and has discovered that his tongue is an excellent way of pushing out the bottle teat or breast. We tried introducing some baby rice yesterday but it went down like a pork chop in a bar mitzvah with most of it ending up round his mouth rather than in it. We'll keep trying.
We have though finally given up trying to wedge him into the moses basket each night and he is now 'sleeping' (I use the term loosely) in his cot which suddenly makes him look tiny again. He seems to have taken to it quite well and it means he can thrash his arms about (which he does a lot) and turn onto his side which is a skill he has just recently acquired.
He has managed to scratch himself in the face twice, so he looks he has had a fight with a small cat or been mistreated by his parents which, judging by the withering look I was given by one CM (Chiswick Mum) today, was clearly the conclusion she had come to.
He is continuing to be more and more responsive though and has started to giggle which is dead cute. This morning we danced round the living room (or to be more precise, I danced round the living room with Sam in flying position) to Tchaikovsky's Waltz of the Flowers from the Nutcracker with him gurgling away more than ever. I just hope he was laughing with me not at me.

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T07:23:00.001-08:00

It's Jan 2. Back to work tomorrow. I feel nervous. It's that back to school feeling that never seems to leave you. I am fully aware that work may be more challenging than ever this year, although I don't know how prepared I am to deal with it. Getting priorities straight, staying positive and trying to maintain some sort of perspective is going to help which means downtime will be as important, if not more so than work time.
Speaking of which, the last few days have been great. Just Jo, Sam and me, doing nothing in particular apart from spending some 'quality time' together. I think I understand the term better than I ever did now. It's about having long enough to be yourself, your relaxed self, your best self and being able to do things at your own pace with someone you care about but without out having to rush off for this or that. I guess that's why holidays are the chance for quality time - getting a break from whatever work driven routine you have and rediscovering the important things or people in your life. It is virtually impossible to snatch 10mins of Sam time at the end of a long day when both of us are tired and it be as rewarding. Which is why I am glad that we have booked a weekend away to the coast in Feburary and a week in Antigua at the beginning of March, albeit without Sam. Something to look forward to.
We had lunch with two sets of friends with similar aged kids yesterday. Trying to maneouvre the pushchairs to the table was like navigating tanks through a maze. We swapped stories about the first few months and a few things came out:

1. Selective Memory is a massively powerful brain function, an in-built defence mechanism that allows us to strip out most of the bad stuff and view the past through rose-tinted glasses. It's this that allows women to go through child birth more than once. Without it we would, without a shadow of a doubt, all be only children.
2. Packing is an art form that you can't really understand until you start a family
3. Your baby is definately cuter and more advanced than anyone else's. Ask any grandmother.
4. Your baby will make you pay for ever getting drunk.
6. You can't have a baby and keep a MINI. One of them needs to be replaced for something better.
5. Being woken up at 8am when you haven't got kids is a nightmare. When you have them, it's a lie-in.
6. Learn to love 'phases'. Phases are good. Phases are a sign that things are moving on. If your baby is going through a bad patch think of it as 'a phase' - phases don't last very long.

If I have any resolutions this year, they surely have got to be about giving time to and enjoying the most important things in life. For me that's little Sam and lovely Jo, working to live not the other way around.

A tiny Christmas Cracker

2007-12-27T09:30:00.000-08:00

We are just back from a whirlwind Christmas. We spent two nights at Jo's parents in Oxford and a couple at mum's in Ascot before heading to Bristol last night and now back home for a few days of just us.
We borrowed Hazel and Stuarts car as the MINI was never going to be big enough to fit in all our stuff but never in my life have I seen a car as full as ours was. You forget that Sam alone needs everything from wipes and nappies through to sterilising kit and pushchair. We spent most of the last few days lugging bags in an out of various houses. To be honest, the whole thing was a bit stressful at times but it was nothing really to do with Sam as he has been totally amazing.
It is difficult to put into words but he has totally changed within the last few days. He's smilier than ever, responsive, grabbing stuff, constantly making new sounds. He's bigger and heavier, so cute (see above) and hilarious, it's brilliant. For me, I suddenly feel a bond where I was struggling a bit before. Partly that has to be due to actually spending some proper time with him and it's been such a revelation. It's a shame that most of our family can only snatch the very briefest moments with him because it's impossible to get a sense of how lovely and amazing he really is. It has made me really happy.
Naturally everyone spoilt him rotten. He has such a cool wardrobe now. Check out that hat! Funny thing Christmas. So much build up, then it passes in a flash. It's been nice but tiring. The next few days we just want to stay put and relax as a family.

Christmas parties and constipation

2007-12-16T03:57:00.000-08:00

Sam had constipation for the last few days. Unlike me, it is almost definately not to do with crap canapes and drinking slightly too much at Christmas parties. It was causing him loads of discomfort and he couldn't really feed properly. We tried everything - giving him a bit of water, massaging his tummy, gentle bouncing and moving his legs about but there was nothing doing. Then yesterday we asked Dad to bring some prune juice round. Sam loved the taste. Not surprising really because I was meant to dilute it before giving it to him - whoops. Concentrated prunes meant we could expect a bottom eruption of monumental proportions at some point. And so it came to pass. The Ferrari of poos, a vertible turbo jet of the stuff. Sam seemed fine with it although he was starving afterwards of course and woke up every three hours last night, demanding food.
I have two and half days left at work then a couple of days in London before we head out to parents. It's fair to say that we are both exhausted. There have been colds and all sorts going round which all three of us have had a bout of. Jo really needs to get some sleep. Sam beautiful and amazing as he is, is not the world's best sleeper and it does wear you down.
He is too young to get excited by Christmas this year but I'll get excited for him. It's just the thought of not having to think about work for a couple of weeks which I'm looking forward to. Bring it on.

oNle mE!

2007-12-08T10:37:00.000-08:00

HellO AGain, tHINgs are PREtty GOOd at the mOment. I get LOTS OF love from My mummy and DADDy whICH MAKES me FEEL nice and I Smile back at them which they sEEm to LikE, aLTHough thEY stILL thINK THey NEed to gurn at ME TO get ME To do it. I am LOving my BABy gym. My favOURite fRiend is QuaCK the DUCk. He Makes A Nice SOund when I hit hiM. I stILL wake UP QuiTE a bit in the NIght BUt I go Back to SlEEP PreTTY quickLY. I aM tryING TO stAND up by MysELF But dADDY InterFERES by hoLDINg me UP. I wanT TO saY 'if i need your support i'll ask for it' buT I am a BABy so I cAN'T.
my eATING HABITs are a BIT rANDom apparentLY. SoMEtimes I LIKE PutTING My hands in My mOUTH moRE THAN muMMYs bREAst. IT'S true thaT I Am A BIT OF a guzzLER too bUt I AM A busy Man. so much sTUFF TO learn, so liTTLE time....
hERE is a PICture of ME TRying to BE patient AS daDDY points that sILver flashing thing at ME yet AGain.

Smiler

2007-12-01T08:41:00.001-08:00

Jo took her dad on a trip to the Christmas markets in Cologne on Eurostar today. It meant I spent a bit of time with Sam at a time of the morning when I would normally be at work. And he was great. Beaming, gurgling, smiling his little face off. Judging by the stream of snot now coming out of his nose, his cold is nearly over and he seems to be loads happier for it. Maybe we have both been struggling for the last few weeks. Whatever, I feel so much more positive about things today. Our pitch is on Monday. After that I really hope I can start to wind things down towards to Christmas so I can spend more time at home.

The gang of 3 - hilarious!

2007-12-01T00:58:00.001-08:00

From left to right....Toby, Sam, Oli.

Get me to the end of this year

2007-11-27T09:58:00.000-08:00

I can't wait until Christmas. I am all out of energy for this year. It's the cumulative effect of ridiculous work stress and Sam not yet being out of this tricky period. Jo is knackered too and there is no real break or recovery time whilst she is still breastfeeding. It's full-on. We are finding we need to keep each others spirits up. You can feel just how easy it is to let everything get on top of you. Lack of sleep really does distort your outlook on life because really, life is great. I have an amazing wife and beautiful baby boy and nice house and a well paid job.
But I still feel low at the moment.
Sam is brilliant but he is hard work. He's not a smiley little fella. At least not yet anyway. He has his moments (the last photos were a rare fluke) but I think I miss most of them being in the office. My self-diagnosis is that I need some semblance of control and / or positive feedback in my life and I am not getting much of either at the moment. Work lurches from one crisis that I can't pervent to another without anyone saying thanks or 'good job' and at home I can't do anything about Sam's growing pains and he isn't exactly flashing me big grins to say 'nice one dad'. I am probably expecting too much of him. I am expecting too much of him but I guess you look for someone, somewhere to endorse what you are doing.
I am rambling. Tomorrow is another day.

gotcha!

2007-11-24T03:17:00.001-08:00

Cold front

2007-11-18T01:20:00.000-08:00

Sam caught his first cold this week. He has been all snotty and uncomfortable since Monday as well as being a even more random than usual. The lack of routine is the real killer for Jo because it is so emotionally and physically draining. Sometimes he latches onto the boob, sometimes he fights it like it's a punch bag. Sometimes he takes six or so ounces and sometimes it's 1 or 2 and sometimes he'll do a rib-cage rattling burp and settle whereas others he will just throw the whole lot back up. It's all pretty confusing and the internet doesn't really help. There is just too much information on there and most of it is conflicting. Apparently Sam could be on 'Baby Strike' (great name) but although he does occasionally look like he has Bob Crow's cheeks, I am not sure he is that miltant yet.
The end result is of course, that you play amateur doctors, trying to diagnose exactly what is going on which isn't the best of solutions.
On the plus side, Sam seems happy in himself. He has amazingly strong leg and neck muscles and really loves trying to stand up straight. I'm sure it is early to be doing that. He has upped the cutenes stakes too with some marathon smiling sessions to which he has now added cooing. Yesterday Jo was making noises at him and he was repeating them back to her. It was amazing to watch. I tried my hand at it too, but frowning then pooing through three layers of clothing wasn't quite the effect I was going for.

And when they were up they were up...

2007-11-11T10:48:00.000-08:00

Reading back over my last post, I realise how negative it sounds. Part of me wants to remove it but I'm not going to. If I did then i would be sanitising the blog and it wouldn't be an accurate reflection of the emotional rollercoaster that both Jo and I are on at the moment. We are new parents, experiencing new highs and new lows. Some of the lows we'll handle with ease, others we'll struggle with. There's no point in pretending otherwise.
As if to prove the point, the last 48 hours have been great and I feel 100% more postive about both Sam and life in general.
I'm sure it's work that is causing the problems. I am really not enjoying it at all at the moment and it's tricky to just turn the stress off as soon as I get home. But give it 24 hours away from the office and all the crap starts to fade away and I can properly enjoy my amazing family.
And they are truely amazing.
After having a great night on Friday, we both woke up feeling good about things. Meeting up with the other couples from NCT only added to that feeling. Everyone had their babies with them and there are really some cute ones but every time I looked at Sam I kept thinking how amazing he is. He was completely relaxed all afternoon and even in a smiley mood that evening when we got him home. When he looks at you and he smiles and he gurgled like he did then, it is just incredible.
I should note now though that he has already learnt not to smile for the camera (see above). I have tried all sorts of covert photographic manoeuvres to catch him off guard but he always sees me and shoots me the 'and what exactly do you think you're doing' look.
Today we visited some old friends down in Fleet. They have a 2 year old son. Matt and Jo were there with their daughter Ruby too. It was great - so relaxed even with all of us running around after our respective kids and even though there was a chorus of crying from various bedrooms as we tried to eat Sunday roast.
That's what it is all about really isn't it? Friends, family, love and good times. It's just a shame that work has to break up the fun.

The Baby whisperer

2007-11-10T01:27:00.000-08:00

This week has been another one full of emotional ups and downs. Work is awful at the moment. Non-stop stress for very little reward or any sort of positive feedback, something which infairly, I have probably been looking for from Sam and unsurprisingly not getting.
He doesn't know that a little smile or some acknowledgment that he is happy that I'm around at the end of the day would give me a real lift. I need that postive feedback from somewhere, just to help keep my energy levels up and make me feel that it is all worthwhile. If it doesn't come from work and it doesn't come from home then where does it come from? and when?
It's a phase of course. Sam will get more and more engaged and work will get better eventually. It's just difficult to see the way through when you are right in the thick of it and tired to the point of exhaustion.
We are talking about trying to get away for a week in Feburary or March. Oman is top of our list. The thought of being able to sleep properly, take a step back from things and get a bit of perspective is a ridiculously alluring one. Being tired and stressed is never the best combination for a positive outlook on things.
I have taken friday's off as paternity leave for the last couple and next few weeks. The theory is better than the practice. After a full day of work and then helping with feeds on Thursday night, I wake up on fridays feeling like I have had a lobotomy and not being much use to Jo or Sam. Work emails keep pouring in and I can't switch off from it properly. It's a strange limbo feeling you get on that first day of a holiday where your body goes into shutdown mode but your brain is still in a heightened state of stress. It takes me at least 48 hours away from the office to feel anything like myself again.
We did have a bit of result yesterday though when we took Sam to a Cranial (?) Osteopath in Hammersmith. This guy was amazing. He held Sam, gently moved him around and had him as calm as we have seen him for ages. A proper baby whisperer! He told us he could feel that the left hand side of Sam's body is all tensed up, probably due to the fact he was a big baby who came out of a petite mum and consequently couldn't move around very much in the womb.
He gave us some good advice and Sam was much calmer last night. Long may it last.
Mum came up to babysit last night and we went for a few drinks with some of Jo's favourite people from work. It was so nice. A few hours spent with genuinely great people. It's the simple things that can make you feel human again.

Drinking and babies don't mix

2007-11-04T01:11:00.000-07:00

Over the last week Sam seems to have been a lot happier. He's becoming a proper little person now. He grabs things and gurgles away to himself and he does smile, but it normally comes about from him mimmicking us, which means we are doing a lot of ridiculous gurning at him.
I can't help thinking of the incredulous baby in that film Look Who's Talking. Sam must think his parents are mad. My face hurts from smiling at him.
We have pretty much finished his nursery now. It's a brilliant room with some cool decorations. On one wall there's a matrix of Damien Hirst style coloured dots, on another a painting of a beach by an artist called Beth Marsden and on another a print by a guy called Nick Walker of the Mona Lisa but with Marge Simpson's hair and necklace. Sam loves all the colours. We have also brought him an electric mobile that sits over his cot, plays mellow tunes and illuminates with stars and planets at night. It's great. I wish I had one.
On Friday, Hazel babysat and Jo and I went for a few drinks in The Swan, our local pub. It was nice to be able to sit down, unwind and chat after what has been a long hard week for both of us. Initially we were both so tired we could barely keep our eyes open but stayed out with a few friends until closing time anyway.
Which made us face up to the fact that these days - we are complete lightweights!
We only had a few drinks but both woke up later that night with splitting headaches and felt properly hungover in the morning. I'm sure tonnes of new parents have found the same thing. Apart from the odd glass, the thing you need most when you wind down is sleep. Loads of it! How times have changed....

Very small star of the very small screen

2007-10-29T10:05:00.000-07:00

Give us a smile beauty

2007-10-29T01:23:00.001-07:00

It's virtually impossible not to compare how Sam is doing compared to other kids. We really try not to do it but have noticed a few things.

1) He was never a scrunched up 'newborn' like some babies
2) He seems more alert than most babies we've met
3) He has very strong leg and neck muscles already. I know this because he kicked me in the stomach and headbutted me in the face this morning : )
4) He's very, very cute....
5) But he hasn't really started smiling yet when others have.
6) He has no routine whatsoever.
6) From his mum, he has deep blue eyes and fairish hair.
7) From his dad.....he has wind. This is unfortunate because it means he cries a lot. I reckon 70% of the time he is awake is taken up by screaming. He has a few distinct screams:

Constant Repetitive - I'm hungry

Higher Speed Constant Repetitive - er...HELLO? Can we get some food over here? Like NOW.

Lord of the Rings style Ork Scream - I've got wind. It's f'king painful and no, that position you've just moved me to is making it worse.

Varying Pitched Crying - Look , there's nothing really wrong but I'm your baby, I want attention and I would appreciate it if you could stop whatever trivial thing it is that you are trying to do on the Internet and give me some loving.

I would be lying if I said it wasn't tough at the moment. We could both really do with him smiling at us a bit more. Just some sort of acknowledgment that he is happy would be great. There is nothing more upsetting and frustrating than him not settling and looking like he is in real pain. The truth is that he probably is in pain. When he's not, he's a different person - beautifully serene and totally angelic.
We are beginning to realise that you have to live with constant low level worry during these first few months. The current 5 favourites are: Why does he cry himself hoarse? / Is he growing fast enough? / sometimes he rasps when he has eaten / Is he getting enough from the breasts?
We are taking him to the baby clinic today to get him checked out. I am sure he is fine but you just want someone who knows to tell you.
He's definately taking the world in. He loves going outside and seeing the plants and leaves and bushes and he is awake for longer periods at a time now. I can't wait until he can communicate how much he enjoys it, even by his facial expressions.

I like SunDAys

2007-10-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

HellO, ITS me agAIN, I have HAd a LoVELy day with MuMMy and DaDDY. I wORE oNE OF my fUNKy outFITS for the FIRST Time. I THink I dresS BETTer tHan DAddy But don'T tell HIM that. He'll ONly sULK.
DADDy sHOwed Me ALL The PlaNTS In THE garDEN. I havE MY eyes Open aLL tHE time nOW anD reALLY take thINGS IN. I lIKE The GardEN. I heaRD DaddY teLL MUmmY thaT i was TRAnsFixED (whaTEVer thAT MEans).
MUmmy And DaDDY Went for LUNch at HIGHroad HOUSE. iT WAS sunnY and TheY SAT outsidE WHILST I SLEpt. ALhtough i Say so MYself, i Was ANgelic, UNtil we GOT hOme anD i got wIND anD A bit Sick AND cried A LOT but WHAts a mAN TO Do?
We LOST THe Rugby WHich waS baD buT WORse THAn THat DaDDY put my SpeciAL ENGLAND SUIT IN the WAsh WitH his WHite T-ShiRts and Now THEy are ALL pinK! I thINK he DID a sWEAr woRD but I preTended not tO NOTice.

My family (but none of us all at once!)

2007-10-20T00:50:00.001-07:00

England's best dressed supporter

2007-10-20T00:34:00.000-07:00

England fans expect, none more so than one Mr Samuel Joseph Benjamin Royce in his customised baby suit who'll be screaming for Our Boys louder than anyone this evening.
To be honest, he already is....

TGI Friday

2007-10-19T05:28:00.000-07:00

It's felt like a really long week, taken up predominantly with work. I had to go into the office last Sunday which wasn't ideal as it was meant to be our 'family day' and then be up on Tuesday morning at 5.30 for this pitch. I have been playing catch-up ever since.
As I thought, it is proving tricky to be on brilliant creative form with less sleep. I just don't feel as sharp and 'on it' as usual. I need to work out how to get the best out of myself in the alert hours that I do have.
Sam wasn't very well. He was feeding well enough but then bringing quite a bit of stuff up and looking like he was in real pain. Jo took him to the baby clinic and they suggested that he may be suffering from reflux or a bit of colic. They prescribed Gaviscon and Gripe water. He hates them both of course. We have tried to dilute them with breast milk but he's too clever for that.
Physically he is noticeably different now. The baby clinic weighed him at 11ibs 11oz which is in the upper something percentile of all babies. He feels heavier and he is definitely more alert than he was. His eyes are healthy too apparently which is a relief as I thought I might have blinded him when my camera flash went off in his face in the hospital..... And of course he is ridiculously cute. I could just look at him for hours and hours (if he wasn't screaming at me and pooing, obviously)
Really looking forward to spending some time with him this weekend. I have another week of Paternity Leave to take. The idea is that I will take the next five Friday's off - can't wait.

Our lovely boy

2007-10-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

A picture of Sam from today. He nearly cracked a smile for us this morning which makes any negative feelings just disappear.

At Sea

2007-10-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

It's the end of my first week back at work and I don't really know whether I am coming or going.
Sleep is precious. Interrupted sleep is a bit like 'Diamonique', that crap diamond substitute that you get on the Shopping Channel. Not worth anything like the real thing.
Jo's mum, Hazel has just come down to stay for a couple of days, so last night I slept right through which was bliss. It makes all the difference.

I have been getting into the office ridiculously early though. I am normally the first there.
I actually prefer traveling on the tube at that time of day. It's generally just me, a few hundred Eastern European builders and a couple of bankers, all of us in a varying states of conciousness.

It's been weird not seeing Sam as much as I have been. When I do, it's evening and he is usually tired and a bit grizzly. But to be honest, so am I. Jo said she got a smile out of him yesterday which is great news but we haven't quite made it to the 'daddy walks in, Sam smiles with recognition' phase just yet. In fact we are still at the 'daddy walks in, Sam grimaces at the big scary blur and bursts into tears'. Though I'm not taking it personally ; )

Although work colleagues know that you are a very new dad, they keep on needing to be reminded, especially when they book meetings for 6.30pm.(the office is a full hour away from home). I am already back on a pitch team for next Tuesday. I have managed to stay out as far as possible and what I have to do is doable but it would be so easy to get sucked back into the black hole and I really don't want that to happen.

Yesterday I day-dreamed this 'difficult period' - the bit where Sam doesn't sleep through the night and where I am trying to get the right work/home balance - was a voyage by sea from London to New York. I feel like I have just lost sight of the UK mainland and the comfort that goes with it, knowing that there is a hell of a long way to go and a quite few storms that will have to be weathered. I hope I'm properly prepared but I haven't got a clue if I am.

Back to School

2007-10-07T10:14:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday. I go back to work tomorrow and I've got that slightly nervous feeling I used to get before going back to school after the holidays. It's funny how it doesn't leave you.

Sam hasn't been in the best of moods for the last couple of days (see pic above!). He is crying a lot and not sleeping for very long periods. He has also been rasping a bit. We think he might have a mild infection but will wait and see how he is tonight. Poor little thing. His mum is unbelievably tired and his dad is going back to the office but he's not to know.
It's all a learning curve for us. Just when we think we have kind of got our heads around things, he enters a new phase of development, it all changes and you feel a bit unprepared and on the back foot again.
We have no semblence of a routine with him yet, apart from 'bath time' between 6-7pm and feeding him straight after. It's early days, of course. It will take Jo a bit of time to work her own routine when I'm not around during the day and we'll have to see how things go at night.
One thing is for sure. He's a proper little miracle. Yes, he has turned our lives upside down and yes, things will never be the same again but it's all positive and I feel very lucky to have such a lovely family.
So tomorrow to work. A new dad, a new chapter.
blimey....

Here are the headlines:

2007-10-04T23:55:00.000-07:00

Baby grows, sleep suits, designer zip tops, T-Shirts, jackets, shoes.
We ask
'Are our babies now trendier than we are?'

Sam has been lucky enough to receive a whole wardrobe of amazing clothes from family and friends. He is going to look so cool over the next few months. I can't believe how much genuinely nice stuff you can get for babies now. It wasn't like that in my day (I think that could well be the first time I have ever used that phrase...)

Making a Dramatic Entrance....Are Cesarians on the rise?

Yesterday night I went for a couple of drinks with two of the guys we met at NCT. It was really interesting. Out of six couples, five had Cesarians and four of them after more than a day of contractions. I guess we were lucky.
We all concluded that NCT is fine as far as it goes but the techniques you learn assume everything will go 100% smoothly which it rarely seems to do.

Grizzly bear tamed (for now)

After a couple of days of being really grizzly - we nicknamed him 'The Griswald', Sam was fine again yesterday.
We have noticed that every time we take him out for a walk in the fresh air, he falls asleep only to wake once we are back inside. He must think we don't make an effort to take him anywhere. If only he knew.....

Godfather goes extra mile

Sam's other godfather is a very old and very good friend of mine called Rowley who is now living in Chicago with his lovely wife and 9month old son, Fin (my godson!). This weekend they (Rowley and his brother, not Fin) are running the Chicago marathon to raise money for The Toxoplasmosis Centre.
It's a brilliant cause. Really good luck mate.

Finally here's a lovely picture of my family. I think they both look great.
Have a great weekend.

Sam and friends

2007-10-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

SuperSam

2007-10-03T06:58:00.000-07:00

This morning we took Sam to the Baby Clinic in Chiswick. He is now 10lbs 7oz which means he has gained about 20 oz in just 3 weeks. Amazing really. We knew he was special but is he in fact some sort of.......Super Baby?

Walk in the park anyone?

2007-10-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

Phone - check
Wallet - check
Blanket basket - check
Video camera - check
Digital camera - check
Baby car seat - check
Baby - check
Massive Blue Tank that barely fits into back of the car unless it pokes me in the back like a sharp stick whilst I'm driving - check
Appalling weather on the one day we decide to go on our first out of town road trip - check
Lots of 'ho, ho at least it will be an adventure' type comments to each other - check
Road map missing the one page we actually need - check
Feeling that we might be about to embark on a journey of Basil Fawlty-esque proportions - check.

So off we set, not for Kent as planned (too far) but for Wendover Woods in Buckinghamshire. The weather forecast for today was horrible and for once they got it right. It was pi**ing down as we left.....and er, also as we returned after 5mins because I'd forgotten to print out the map, as well as ten minutes after that when Jo thought she might have left her hair straighteners on. Must be lack of sleep.

When we arrived at Wendover, we realised that we had, despite a check list as long as our arms, also fogotten the papouse (sling thing), the one thing that we could have put Sam in and walked about freely. We were going to have to use a forest trail suitable for a pushchair....

Amazingly they had one - the All Standards trail. Hilariously though, it was bascially a tarmac and wood chipped track that circled the Forestry Commission car park. So we did it. Twice.

I think it took us longer to get Sam in and out of the car than the walk itself. He was out for the count pretty much the whole time. The longest he has ever slept between feeds. Last night he didn't stop crying so I'm not surprised he didn't have much energy.

I am beginning to realise what 'outings' from now on are going to need military planning if they are going to go smoothly. We looked as if we were off on some round the world expedition today and we still forgot some of the most important things.

Still we felt triumphant as we headed back to town, soaking and hungry. We had made it out but it was no walk in the park.

Paternity Leave

2007-09-30T07:15:00.001-07:00

Paternity Leave is a strange thing. I haven't quite got my head around it yet. It's full of contradictions - time off without it being a holiday, a break without a rest. You think you should be seeing friends but you don't really feel up to it. You feel you could be getting stuff done around the house but would rather spend hours looking at your amazing new baby.
I love doing not very much but unless I am on holiday, I can't do it for long without feeling that there's something I should be doing or that I'll look back and think 'damn, if only I'd sorted out X or Y'.
I am half way through now and already thoughts of work are creeping in and making me tense. Carrying a Blackberry around and having the web on all the time doesn't help, of course...
I really need to try and clear my head and enjoy this next week having quality family time because I know how tricky that it is going to be when I'm back. We are going to try and do a couple of (shortish) road trips. We read an article in the paper today titled 'Golden Wonder'. It was about some the most best places in the UK to see Autumn in all it's glory, so tomorrow we are going to try and drive to a big country park in Kent. We both enjoy getting some fresh air out of the city and there's nothing like countryside for head clearing.

Sam has been a grumpy little thing for the last day or so. I wonder if it has anything to do with my new haircut and glasses? I must look completely different to him every time I pick him up.
Last night Sam and I ended up sleeping on the sofa when he wouldn't settle after his 2am feed. I had Sky plused Match of the Day and as soon as City went 2-1 up against The Toon, he did the most enormous poo.
Clearly a Newcastle fan in the making. Good boy Sam.

Sam says...

2007-09-28T06:39:00.000-07:00

HelLO EvEryone, I am eNJOYing myself a LOt. MaINly I poo and CRy but I aM Also trying to Smile Which gets mummy and DAddy VerY excited. I tooK thiS picTURE of THem thIs mornINg thougH.
HonEStly, You juST cAn't get the StaFf these dayS...

LaST nighT i diD mY biggest pOO YeT! i woKE up mummY and daddY to tell thEm tHE Good NewS but they didn't seem as entHusiastiC as ME alTHough I spenT ageS TelliNG theM.

Today i have slept a LOT and apart from mysteriousLY learNing hOw to use a cOMPUTER, I
Have StoRed up A lot of Energy for a good SCreaming sesSion later.

As you can see I am becoMing MOre and mOre lovelY eACH daY whIch maKES IT verY difficult to ever get upset with Me.

I HavE My owN special Place on the SOFA WHERE i CAN gurglE and PUll fACes whicH People coo over.

I mUST GO now AS they are stiRRing anD I kNOW WHAt they'RE like wheN they'VE just wokeN up. iTs not PreTTy, Trust Me.

BYE bYE FOr now

lOTS OF Love AND ThanK YOU for ReAding abOUT me.

SaM(UEL) ROycE
x
aged 22 (days)

Right on Kew

2007-09-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

This morning we decided that we would take Sam to Kew Gardens. We've never been and it's only 5 minutes away. But initially things didn't quite go according to plan. Here's the rough timeline of events:

11am: Decide to go to Kew
11.05: Sam starts crying
11.10: Sleepsuit-penetrating Turbo Poo
11.11: Nappy and sleepsuit change
11.16: Turbo Poo - the return
11.17: Swear Pig gets fatter
11.20: Nappy and suit change
11.26: Winding
11.30: 3rd poo makes an entrance (or exit) - downgraded from turbo to regular
11.45: Nappy change and crying (Sam that is)
12.00: Screaming
12.30: More screaming (Mum and Dad thinking about it too)
12.45: More winding
1pm: Consider aborting mission
13.01: Regroup. Break for lunch
13.20: Place Sam in car seat
13.21: Simultaneous screaming and pooing triggers Swear Pig feast
13.30: Nappy change
13.35: Place back in car seat. Defiantly ignore crying. Set off for Park
13.36 - 16.35: Sam blissfully asleep. Makes Dad's epic film of us all in the great outdoors slightly less interesting than it might have been....

Evenings are for screaming

2007-09-27T02:39:00.000-07:00

Sam doesn't much like evenings. And as a result neither do we. We try and bath him around 6 - 6.30pm. He's fine with his bath (see Bathtime). It's afterwards he gets grumpy and between 7pm-1am he works himself up into a real state. It's an endless cycle of feeding, screaming, winding, screaming again etc etc. Apparently Colic is common at this time of day but I don't know how bad the crying has to be for it to be diagnosed. I wonder if me going partially deaf in one ear counts?
We took him to the doctor this morning who said his heart and lungs are good (not that we needed telling he has a good pair of lungs in him) and got some antibiotics for his eye. He can already sleep longer between feeds, so he snoozed away happily for a few hours whilst we were out and about.
He definately likes being in the car and is getting cuter all the time, if that's possible.
Worryingly, I have taken to listening to (and enjoying) Magic FM which is surely beginning of the slippery slope to becoming an embarrassingly uncool dad.

Tuesday's child is er.....pretty moody

2007-09-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

We all had a fitful night. Jo was a star and did pretty much everything but you can't help waking up when he's screaming his head off at the end of the bed. At 3am in the semi-darkness we talked about how both amazing and scary it is that there are thousands of single mums out there, some looking after twins. Full respect to them. I don't know how they cope.
Sam was in a right grump all morning and again tonight, kicking out and looking uncomfortable. We think he has an eye infection as one of them is a bit crusty. Apparently it is quite common and can just be a blocked tear duct.
He gets cuter every day. It's a strange feeling falling more and more in love with him but that is what is happening. All the poo, all the screaming, puking, kicking and fighting. It doesn't matter one little bit.

Bathtime

2007-09-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

This is Sam's screen debut and my first attempt at trying to upload any video.
We both need practice!