Our lovely boy

A picture of Sam from today. He nearly cracked a smile for us this morning which makes any negative feelings just disappear.

At Sea

It's the end of my first week back at work and I don't really know whether I am coming or going.
Sleep is precious. Interrupted sleep is a bit like 'Diamonique', that crap diamond substitute that you get on the Shopping Channel. Not worth anything like the real thing.
Jo's mum, Hazel has just come down to stay for a couple of days, so last night I slept right through which was bliss. It makes all the difference.

I have been getting into the office ridiculously early though. I am normally the first there.
I actually prefer traveling on the tube at that time of day. It's generally just me, a few hundred Eastern European builders and a couple of bankers, all of us in a varying states of conciousness.

It's been weird not seeing Sam as much as I have been. When I do, it's evening and he is usually tired and a bit grizzly. But to be honest, so am I. Jo said she got a smile out of him yesterday which is great news but we haven't quite made it to the 'daddy walks in, Sam smiles with recognition' phase just yet. In fact we are still at the 'daddy walks in, Sam grimaces at the big scary blur and bursts into tears'. Though I'm not taking it personally ; )

Although work colleagues know that you are a very new dad, they keep on needing to be reminded, especially when they book meetings for 6.30pm.(the office is a full hour away from home). I am already back on a pitch team for next Tuesday. I have managed to stay out as far as possible and what I have to do is doable but it would be so easy to get sucked back into the black hole and I really don't want that to happen.

Yesterday I day-dreamed this 'difficult period' - the bit where Sam doesn't sleep through the night and where I am trying to get the right work/home balance - was a voyage by sea from London to New York. I feel like I have just lost sight of the UK mainland and the comfort that goes with it, knowing that there is a hell of a long way to go and a quite few storms that will have to be weathered. I hope I'm properly prepared but I haven't got a clue if I am.

Back to School

It's Sunday. I go back to work tomorrow and I've got that slightly nervous feeling I used to get before going back to school after the holidays. It's funny how it doesn't leave you.

Sam hasn't been in the best of moods for the last couple of days (see pic above!). He is crying a lot and not sleeping for very long periods. He has also been rasping a bit. We think he might have a mild infection but will wait and see how he is tonight. Poor little thing. His mum is unbelievably tired and his dad is going back to the office but he's not to know.
It's all a learning curve for us. Just when we think we have kind of got our heads around things, he enters a new phase of development, it all changes and you feel a bit unprepared and on the back foot again.
We have no semblence of a routine with him yet, apart from 'bath time' between 6-7pm and feeding him straight after. It's early days, of course. It will take Jo a bit of time to work her own routine when I'm not around during the day and we'll have to see how things go at night.
One thing is for sure. He's a proper little miracle. Yes, he has turned our lives upside down and yes, things will never be the same again but it's all positive and I feel very lucky to have such a lovely family.
So tomorrow to work. A new dad, a new chapter.
blimey....